Positive discipline: Kindness and firmness that respect cortical maturation.

By Gisela Lopez

Neuroscience indicates that human brains remain in the maturation stage until approximately 21 years of age. It means that it covers the ENTIRE school stage. Within this process, any learned reaction, organizational dynamics, conflict resolution strategy, and habits, among others, will basically be learned or taken from the environment and/or stimuli to which it is exposed, that is, everything that interacts with that brain.

While this maturation is being built, we all go from the first stage: being newborn babies, fully assisted and cared for by parents, whose priority is to meet the needs of these little ones, to a second scenario where we are seen as manipulative children and adolescents who have no needs to cover, and, on the contrary, have the intention of making us angry, taking away our peace of mind and always maintaining oppositional positions to what adults propose.

At what point does a child in the process of cortical, bodily, and emotional maturation cover all his needs by himself (spirit, soul, and body) and decide to become our competition? Could it be that the child calmly follows his natural maturation process and does not realize that we, the adults, have changed our way of seeing and interpreting them?

The adults do not understand this maturational gap; we forget that we are interacting with children and not treating or facing an adult who is 90 centimeters tall. Both (you and the child) are not in a fair balance; we have lived 20, 30, or 40 years more than them; therefore, we have acquired more experience, and as a consequence: we have more weapons to face any situation.

Let's see it with an example shared by educator Maria Soto:

"It's 2:00 am, and your newborn baby wakes up crying, screaming. What do you think? What are you doing? How do you react? I imagine you get up to give him milk and think it is normal for him to cry because it is his way of communicating, and you feel love and tenderness for him. You react quickly." (Soto, M 2020)

Would you allow yourself to feel anger or bitterness? You might think that the baby had it all planned for you not to sleep, that he knew that you were tired and that this was the perfect time to cry, or that he knows that you are in the best part of your series favorite and now is the time to interrupt you. You would never take this cry of hunger at 2:00 in the morning. Personally, you would clearly understand that it is a reaction caused by a need.

We all have needs to cover: love, active listening, responses, accompaniment, emotional support, etc. But children live in permanent formation and cortical maturation, let us remember, until they are 21 years old, and, therefore, they would be unable to cover their needs by themselves. We are the parents or the adults who share some part of the day with them and must be attentive to these alerts and calls for help. Often known as tantrums, indifference, isolation, opposition, etc.

When it becomes clear to us that we are dealing with children and not with small adults within our class, we can give way to understanding what positive discipline is all about. For parents and teachers, positive discipline is based on respect at home and in the classroom. Care that translates into kindness and firmness - security and capacity.

Respect for the cortical maturity they have to process life. Sometimes I have discussed with families the question: Why should we not feed grilled chicken to a 4-month-old child? They often tell me that the grilled chicken has many seasonings or that the baby's stomach has not yet developed enough to digest said food. Is that the absolute correct answer? The organs (including the brain) are maturing, but they still cannot digest or process situations we sometimes face.

Children live exposed to the information boom; they have no filters for them, and they access what they want. And they seem mature enough to handle it well. They think it, they look for it, and they have it. But can it be that their brains can process it, or on the contrary, are they internally overwhelmed more and more? Movies, series, games, social networks, friendships, books, etc.

Positive discipline in the classroom and at home.

It focuses on kindness and firmness, not to be confused with harshness. A strong teacher sets clear limits and proportionate consequences and is determined to enforce limits even when no one else does. This image is projected on the child as a healthy image, anticipates it, and gives him a safe environment and guidelines for appropriate codes of conduct for each place. A teacher with kindness and firmness encourages the reflection of their children, considering the affirmation that there are no bad people, but there are people who make bad decisions; therefore, they must assume the consequences.

Safety attitude and capacity. A teacher-father who shows that he knows what he wants to convey is trained and offers security; he is a leader that children are tempted to follow. Ana Soto comments: "Imagine that you are going on an excursion to the Himalayas, you don't know the route, but you manage to contact the most qualified tour guide. You feel safe in the activity. However, halfway up the climb, you notice that the guide begins to get nervous, hesitating, rubbing his hands, clutching his head, looking everywhere, and not making eye contact with you. What do you think?" (Soto, M 2020).

Well, you conclude that the guide knows about the subject but is not yet ready to be the excursion leader. That guide does not give you security; he does not inspire you to follow.

The teacher must have the right combination of attitude and aptitude.

To reflect:

The brain of children - adolescents, are maturing; let us consider and take care of the "input" we use when approaching them. And let's keep in mind that all their behavior responds to a need.

Kindness and firmness are not always peculiarities of our personality; it is intentional to seek to achieve this profile.

Cheer up! one day at a time.

Source:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5FDj_WSmeI