Neuroeducation & Coaching: Taking charge of myself.

Neuroeducation & Coaching:

Taking charge of myself.

By Gisela Lopez

Insisting on searching for models, plans or strategies to apply with our children or students makes parents and teachers active individuals and in permanent movement. We look for models that make our little ones become better people. But what about us? Who prepares or organises our action plan? Who or what personalises our learning? Do we let ourselves be carried away only by the day-to-day? Do we live automatically or take the reins of our thoughts and projects?

We always hear the phrase: "To change the world, you must change first", "The system is to blame; I am just a victim of the system", "I am like this", or also "They do not give me the opportunities I deserve" among other ideas along the same line of thought.

All these statements contain learning. Let's be clear that all personal change is the sole and entire responsibility of the individual who wants to achieve it, of the person who wants to experience the change. It can sound harsh, not very empathetic, a little frustrating, or maybe it puts you off, but it should not be interpreted that way. We will discover little by little why and how to make a new look at today significant. This content is framed in principles of coaching and contributions of neuroscience.

Remember that the brain can create strategic neural networks and organise new connections that generate changes or new learning. We know this as brain plasticity: the brain's ability to recover, restructure, and adapt to new situations. For example, new habits, languages, customs, rites, models, beliefs, concepts, etc. So neuroscience says that change/evolution is possible. There is no limitation. The human being adapts.

As we are considering principles of coaching and neuroscience, we won't just be talking about motivation, self-help, or self-motivation; let's talk about finding a path, our path (which is not necessarily the same for everyone, even among very close or very similar relatives) a flight plan, a route of small steps that involve the use of our abilities, makes us aware of the potential personal and trigger motivation within a strategic order, this is coaching: the art of effectiveness in taking charge of ourselves. Enthusiasm is fleeting, but motivation will be sustained in the small episodes of success that we experience; it will give our brain a message of a goal accomplished, of satisfaction (it secretes dopamine), and it will open niches with opportunities for new challenges, always verifying that our reality criterion is calibrated (without comparing ourselves, looking at ourselves as unique and neurodiverse individuals).

Unconsciously, we compare ourselves all the time.

Our environment exposes us to excessive positivism, a society given to producing and competing among individuals. We constantly compare ourselves and yearn for the apparent level of success that others demonstrate. This vicious circle: stimulus - comparison - response/reaction, finally causes us to experience great episodes of frustration since the stimulus we receive is so overwhelming and our pace to reach that ideal goal is not directly proportional to the result we experience. In other words, we do not have a magic wand to look, appear, sound, be or speak like the role model we see on the networks. This overstimulation produces changes in brain neurotransmitters such as oxytocin, adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin, testosterone, and cortisol. And what are neurotransmitters? Neurotransmitters are the chemicals responsible for transmitting signals across synapses (connections) from one neuron to the next. How is our brain affected by this overstimulation? The imbalance between excitatory (impulse) and inhibitory (limits) neurotransmitters at the brain level could be the common origin of diverse psychiatric diseases such as depression and anxiety.

Daily, we expose ourselves to unrealistic expectations; this stimulates our amygdala (limbic system) in search of an immediate result that we will not yet achieve. Our brain asks for results, and we experience fear of not reaching the standards established in society. But, instead of becoming aware, identifying our potential and planning the path of evolution, we keep comparing ourselves, demanding and end up frustrated. We could also compete directly and intentionally and continually try to prove to others that we are also successful and enjoying who we are. It is a sense of seeking approval directly linked to immediate feedback. A natural stimulus-response response.

On the other hand, we see that our criterion of reality needs to be balanced. We can achieve the same or better achievements than those shown on the screen, but we must consider that the real location of our starting point is different from the starting point that our influence model has or had. So, if we are on a different rung than our inspiring model, how is it logical to reach the same goal in the same time frame? The anxiety generated by frustration does not allow us to see the panorama objectively; we spend time-consuming more content, not organising and starting an action plan. It sounds a bit complicated to break this routine, which is why sometimes we need someone who can accompany us to lay the foundations and give us a great start.

Is it then a negative or counterproductive practice for our nervous system to compare ourselves with models that we consider successful? The answer is yes and no.

Yes, it is negative because it does not let you see your reality, you yearn for the results of another, but you do not assume responsibility in your process to reach that goal. And No, because seeing cases of successful people give you models that can inspire you to build a contextualised plan at your own pace, potential and level of commitment.

It is important to consider: capacity + discipline = success. And at the same time, remember that the concept of success is chameleonic; each person will interpret and enjoy it according to the season they are living. For example:

• For a child, success will be building the LEGO game they got for Christmas.
• For a teenager, feeling accepted in her social group or validating her identity.
• For a youth, becoming independent or showing academic/professional competence.
• For a mother...
• For a father...
• For grandparents...
• Etc.

So how can we put our neural plasticity into practice and nurture our daily dynamics with coaching principles to take charge of ourselves, our evolution and change?

Everything starts with you, regardless of your environment, circumstance, past, experiences, genetics, etc. Learning is changing, is moving. But to move, you have to act. In conclusion, there are no magic wands or recipes for success. We can motivate and mentalise ourselves, including visioning and decreeing, but if there is no action, there will be no reaction. Either we move, or we don't move.

Neuroscience supports the use of routines, processes, structures, discipline and strategic models that the brain acquires over time, the stimuli it receives and the experiences it lives. This is how learning is accomplished. The brain transfers the information to the way of life and uses what it learns daily. Applies techniques organise ideas, plans processes and executes procedures. Neuroeducation also repeats that skills are trained, developed and strengthened; the brain learns through repetition and experimentation. It affirms the new belief and activates the knowledge conditioned to the situation and environment. To see movement, we must train ourselves in what we want to see, respect our rhythm, enjoy small achievements, and celebrate the effort, not just the result. This will decrease anxiety.

Some ideas that can help you in your organisation:

1. Make a plan. A plan of real expectations, with a clear objective and in the very short term. Write it down, describing the process in small steps. Your plan can address any area in your life: health, emotional, professional, family, etc. Choose one of these skins to get started. Make sure to avoid making 4 or 5 plans at a time.
2. Put temporality to that plan, always in the short term. It can be one week, daily or monthly maximum.
3. Look for a company that advises you or provides scaffolding to balance reality criteria. Share your plan with someone who can accompany or supervise you objectively, without judgment or accusation.
4. Rearrange your schedule. Write down the time you spend doing each activity in your daily routine, and reflect and weigh/evaluate (cost-benefit) the time each activity consumes you. Organise the hours again, and remember to include activities of enjoyment (cinema, reading, walking, sports, etc.). You should start waking up a little earlier. Use your alarms.
5. Let go and unlearn. Purify activities, companies, beliefs, concepts or dynamics that will need to be added to achieve the plan. Detoxify your environment.
6. Base your plan on your abilities and resources. Do not depend on others, neither in material nor in approval. Do not condition your steps to the opinions or feedback they give about your changes. Start with yourself; then they will celebrate with you, so you will not blame your environment when you rethink.
7. Write down your achievements, and put them in a visible place for you, not for others; Avoid seeking approval. The short-term memory will record the information of your successes; these affirmations will sustain the motivation.
8. Rethink and start over. Everything is perfectible; deciding to start is the first big step, which will add to the second, the third and so on until the goal is achieved. A plan is not a thought; we are not talking about romantic themes, which is why it is not about pure motivation; this is action and science. Your brain will acquire the habit through repetition. Your central nervous system will receive serotonin, so you must repeatedly go back to step 1.
9. Don't blame yourself, be flexible. Just start over. If the plan is not working, locate the variable that triggers the failure. Sometimes you won't see it yourself; someone has to open that door for you. Have teachable ears. Do not defend yourself or give excuses; just listen and pay attention.

Food for thought:

• What motivating forces do you find in yourself?
• What would push you so much to move from the state you are in now to a new or higher level?
• What bothers you so much that you would be willing to reorganise your brain into a new learning model?
• How many more stories (not yours) do you need to see on networks to decide to start creating your own?
• How many more hours will you spend comparing yourself or blaming others?

I hope these questions have fulfilled their purpose: to make you uncomfortable and look for answers.

It starts with you, "He who searches outside dreams, he who searches inside wakes up" Carl Jung.

So compare yourself. Are you the same as one year, two years, or six months ago?

Finally, let's remember that the brain needs to be oxygenated to breathe. Outdoor exercise, meditation, and conscious breathing are good companions for planning, planning, and rethinking.

Ok, when do we start? Today is a good time.

Good luck; one day at a time.